A Small Intro To The Way I Think And Feel

One week into this adventure and so far not much has gone right. But then again nothing has gone horribly wrong either. I miss having the ocean breeze to take the edge off everyday life. Most people are too pushy for my liking. I’d rather be where no one knows me, then to be here in my own home town. It’s not like I have a bad reputation, and it’s not like I’m always anti-social. It’s just that I prefer to be around the same people. The people who know me and who don’t judge me by what I wear, what they’ve heard or who I hang around with.

It’s like it is one big social ladder, if you don’t fit in you aren’t welcomed in a group. I usually get along with most people and I am usually able to talk too just about anyone. But I feel as if these “cliques” are walls I keep running into. I am not a “jock” in any sense, gym isn’t my thing. I’m not one of the “popular” groups. I am not an “emo” (that I am aware of), people always seem to think I am, because the poems I write and the way I dress. I prefer to be on my own with a book, some paper and pens, then to be surrounded by people.

But why does the way we dress or the people we tend to be around decide which “group” we fit into? To me that makes no sense. I try to break the mold to be who I’d like to be, rather then to who they all expect me to be. Although no matter how hard I push to crack that mold, something or someone else is forcing me back to what they think I should be.

I mean yes I write poems and yes some of them involve dark things or ideas. And yes I wear mostly black. But does that make me a goth or emo? The concept is ridiculous. Who thinks someone cuts themselves because they wear all black, hightops, long sleeves and write poems? It’s like saying every teenager who wears a hoodie does drugs, violates public property or is part of a gang.

Who came up with these idiotic ideas, why do they exist and why do some people believe them? Those are my questions.