In 2008

Three years ago, I sat in the schools theater keeping myself busy... keeping myself away from the hospital... keeping her off my mind...
If this is your first visit to my site, or if you haven't read back very far I'll summerize for you.

In 2008 my aunt, my babysitter, my friend... was very sick. She was suffering for Wilsons disease, and very very ill. So to keep myself busy I joined the school's chirstmas musical, "bah-humbug". I always wished my aunt could have seen me preform my two roles in the play, not main roles, but still sufficient roles. Unfortunaltly she couldn't leave the hospital to come see me.

Four weeks after the preformence, I was attending a funeral.

Three years have since passed, and here I stand on the school stage once again preforming in "bah-humbug", this time though I have a much larger role. Hopefully this time my aunt can see me preform. I know one thing though, she'll always have the best seat in the house. Hopefully she"ll be watching over me while I sing my solo. I'm singing this one for you.

TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

I know what you're thinking, I spelt the title wrong... but I did not.
I'm currently about half way through a book by the above title. The story line is as follows.

Hannah is dead, she comitted suicide two weeks prior. Hannah had thirteen reasons and thirteen people she blamed for her death. Hannah made seven tapes, each doubled sided execpt for the last. Each of the thirteen people she blamed gets their own tape, deticated to them, telling them why she blames them. Each of these thirteen people recieves all thirteen tapes in order to which part of her "snowball" effect life they entered and "ruined". Each of said thirteen people also recived a map prior to Hannah's death, indicating certain locations of which she mentions.

The rules to the tapes are as follows: "The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: You listen. Rule number two: You pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy for you. When you're all done listening to all thirteen sides-beacause there are thirteen sides to every story-rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to whoever follows your little tale. "

The first of these thirteen, caused a romour that snowballed into something much much bigger. Beyond anyones control. The story is written from the point of view of one of the last of the thirteen to hear the tapes. Mr. Clay Jensen, I have yet to find out his role in the story as I am only on the sixth tape of Hannah's. But so far every point Hannah has made in her "last words" is so very true. Ever been invoulved in a rumour that got so big it was impossible to stop? Well thats Hannah's problem... or at least one of Hannah's problems.

Until next time... when I give you the book update. Never forget: "You can't stop the future, you can't rewind the past, the only way to learn the secret... is to press play."

Quotes taken from: TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY by: Jay Asher

Some Of My Art Projects From 2010

This is Yorick

Rat, Skull, bottles and dieing tree

Fallen Angel (before the finished product)

Jack the pumpkin king from Nightmare before Chirstmas

These aren't that great, but oh well....

In serious need of some thinking time...

I got thinking the other day, I graduate in less then 2 years. I've got 2 years left in this comunity that I know, within people I know, some who I respect and others who I dont. Then after that last day 2 years from now, it's time to move on again. To move onto bigger and better things. I don't want to live in the comunity where I grew up for the rest of my life, but at the same time I'm worried to leave it all behind me. I'm worried I'll lose contact with all my old friends... at least now there is Facebook so I can still "keep in touch", but I know that won't be sufficent enough to keep my friendships together. Thus far I'm the only one going to this certain univeristy out of all of my friends... which isn't an all bad thing, I can focus more on school that way. But once again at the same time I'm worried of not fitting in, which I must admit I don't do very well at in the first place. But oh well, it will be a new adventure, which I am but am not looking forward too.

Good News

Once again sorry about the lack of blog posts lately.
Inbetween no laptop, exams and my social life I haven't had time.
The good news I mentioned in the title is that my laptop will be fix by the end of July! I'm so excited! Finally I can keep this updated, I didn't realise how much I get "off my chest" useing this until I couldn't use it anymore... man that was not fun!

I don't think I've ever had so many fights with my close friends as I've had this year. Which is sad to say but it's true, we've all "grown apart" from each other. Some of us are more focused on the futur and some of are more focused on getting high. But it's their life not mine so I can't complain. I mean yeah a party or two in the summer that's fine, but when you're getting high everyday, and when people are so use to seeing you high that you can never tell if they're high or not. Throwing away all that intelligence you once had, then stand there and wonder why you aren't doing as well in school as you where. Now tell me does that make any sense? Oh well like I said, their life their choices. I hate to say this, but one of my "closer" friends is moving away to another school next year, and personaly I don't think I'll miss them one bit. I'd rather not have that style of living in my face everyday of my last 2 years of school. Would you?

The moment

The moment you walk through those middle school doors you'll never be the same. The first time you ever get back stabbed, the first time you lose a friend and then comes my personal favourite (NOT) the first time you ever realize you're friends aren't really you're true friends.
So lets walk through this one step at a time. Hell starts around age 12, that's about the time you realize you are your own person and have to start making a stand for who you are. Well this lovely transaction has an effet on everything in your life; whom your friends are, what you do and how you think. But hey that life, right?? Well sometimes life can really suck.

Paper cut

The story you are about to read is true, the names have been changed to protect the persons involved.


One day after school, I was staying behind to help out with our school's Christmas musical. Well all was going fine until things started going wrong. I thought I heard my name being yelled, I was in the theatre and the yelling seemed to be coming from the direction of the ladies washroom. So I look up the aisle of the theatre to see Bethany yelling my name and saying. " You have to come to the girls washroom NOW Katy needs you." Well I took those stairs two at a time that day. We had gotten outside the theatre doors and almost into the washroom when Bethany started to explain what had happened and why she came to get me.


Well it turned out Katy was cutting her wrist with a pencil sharpeners’ blade in the back of the theatre, as it turned out she cut a little too deep. So Katy had told Bethany there was a problem and got up walked out of the theatre and headed towards the bathroom. Well on the way there Katy ran into an old friend who was at our school for a vollyball game, gave her a hug then basicly told her she had to go and walked into the bathroom. Bethany had told Katy to put water on it to stop/slow down the bleeding. Well Katy was like no that will sting; I can only imagin the look on Bethany's face when Katy said that. But she put it underwater anyway and placed toilet paper over it as well. By this time the bleeding was still quite strong and Katy's first reaction was what do I do?! According to Katy, Bethany was scared just about out of her mind and had no clue what to do. Then an idea came to Katy "OMG OMG Call Black Rose, Get Black Rose, she'll know what do to".


That's where I came in, to see one of my friends with blood dripping from her wrist with it under a running tap and another one of my friends as white as a ghost. Needless to say I was a bit confused and trying to figure out what had happened, then I yelled at Katy for being so stupid. We came up with a brilliant plan though, find some band aids. I usually carried around band aids in my book bag, so I went back into the theatre to get my book bag and look for some band aids. Well wouldn't you know it the one day I didn't have any with me was the one day I could have used some, but I didn't walk back into the bathroom empty handed I came back with a pad. The looks on thier faces was like "and what are we going to do with that?!" All I had to say was that it was absorbent. We all laughed, which was well needed considering one of us was still bleeding and about to freak out. Then it happened Katy flipped, she was like "I'm going to die OMG I'm going to die. What am I going to do I'm going to die?!"


Well then one of us remember that the school's office was still open and we sent Bethany to get some bandaids. Meanwhile I stayed and made sure Katy was clam so her heart rate wouldn't speed up the bleeding. Bethany came back with two band aids. While we where putting the bandaids on Katy's wrist the vice-princpal walked by and gave us a funny look, then she asked the most simple question "Is everything alright in there girls?" Well what would you say to that?!? Katy and Bethany answered "Yeah it's just a little paper cut" Well the VP gave us an odd look and looked me straight in the eyes. All I said was "Yeah all this mess over a tiny little paper cut." Then we started to laugh at ourselves and the VP walked by us and didn't give us a second glance. We walked back into the theatre without any one else knowing of our little accident.


To this very day "paper cut" and "OMG CALL BLACK ROSE, She'll know what to do" are still jokes among the three of us who where there that day. A scary day at the time, but looking back at it years later it all seems so funny and so stupid. Katy if you are reading this NEVER EVER do that again, you scared the crap out of me that day. To anyone else who has ever cut themselves (not by accident), please (for my sake) don't do it again. It scares everyone involved and you may not have a person who knows what to do to get it to stop around.

A Small Intro To The Way I Think And Feel

One week into this adventure and so far not much has gone right. But then again nothing has gone horribly wrong either. I miss having the ocean breeze to take the edge off everyday life. Most people are too pushy for my liking. I’d rather be where no one knows me, then to be here in my own home town. It’s not like I have a bad reputation, and it’s not like I’m always anti-social. It’s just that I prefer to be around the same people. The people who know me and who don’t judge me by what I wear, what they’ve heard or who I hang around with.

It’s like it is one big social ladder, if you don’t fit in you aren’t welcomed in a group. I usually get along with most people and I am usually able to talk too just about anyone. But I feel as if these “cliques” are walls I keep running into. I am not a “jock” in any sense, gym isn’t my thing. I’m not one of the “popular” groups. I am not an “emo” (that I am aware of), people always seem to think I am, because the poems I write and the way I dress. I prefer to be on my own with a book, some paper and pens, then to be surrounded by people.

But why does the way we dress or the people we tend to be around decide which “group” we fit into? To me that makes no sense. I try to break the mold to be who I’d like to be, rather then to who they all expect me to be. Although no matter how hard I push to crack that mold, something or someone else is forcing me back to what they think I should be.

I mean yes I write poems and yes some of them involve dark things or ideas. And yes I wear mostly black. But does that make me a goth or emo? The concept is ridiculous. Who thinks someone cuts themselves because they wear all black, hightops, long sleeves and write poems? It’s like saying every teenager who wears a hoodie does drugs, violates public property or is part of a gang.

Who came up with these idiotic ideas, why do they exist and why do some people believe them? Those are my questions.