TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

I know what you're thinking, I spelt the title wrong... but I did not.
I'm currently about half way through a book by the above title. The story line is as follows.

Hannah is dead, she comitted suicide two weeks prior. Hannah had thirteen reasons and thirteen people she blamed for her death. Hannah made seven tapes, each doubled sided execpt for the last. Each of the thirteen people she blamed gets their own tape, deticated to them, telling them why she blames them. Each of these thirteen people recieves all thirteen tapes in order to which part of her "snowball" effect life they entered and "ruined". Each of said thirteen people also recived a map prior to Hannah's death, indicating certain locations of which she mentions.

The rules to the tapes are as follows: "The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: You listen. Rule number two: You pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy for you. When you're all done listening to all thirteen sides-beacause there are thirteen sides to every story-rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to whoever follows your little tale. "

The first of these thirteen, caused a romour that snowballed into something much much bigger. Beyond anyones control. The story is written from the point of view of one of the last of the thirteen to hear the tapes. Mr. Clay Jensen, I have yet to find out his role in the story as I am only on the sixth tape of Hannah's. But so far every point Hannah has made in her "last words" is so very true. Ever been invoulved in a rumour that got so big it was impossible to stop? Well thats Hannah's problem... or at least one of Hannah's problems.

Until next time... when I give you the book update. Never forget: "You can't stop the future, you can't rewind the past, the only way to learn the secret... is to press play."

Quotes taken from: TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY by: Jay Asher

I Had A Dream

I had a dream

no it was more like a nightmare

I fell asleep and you never woke up,

I let you down,

I let you drown,

in your tears,

I let you cry.

I never saw that what I hadn't said

had hurt you so deep

and you'll never know how much you meant to me.

You'll never see how much I cared.

You'll never see how much I cried,

when I found you just laying there.

We'll never find out how your life turned out.

We'll never see how far you got.

And I'll never forget those times we shared.

And if I ever wake up,

I'll never forget how much you meant to us.

If I ever wake up I'll let you know,

believe me somehow love will unbind these chains.

Believe me somehow I'll meet you again.

Maybe in another dream,

I'll wake up and we'll all be just fine.

If I never wake up....

I want you to see,

that I'll never forget the laughs we shared.

If I never wake up,

forget all the bad times and remember the good.

If I never wake up from this dream I'm dreaming.

Tell me that you'll always care.

If we never wake up,

Never forget that we were,

Loved in the world.

If we never wake up...

don't cry for us,

for we'll never forget.

And through all of the sadness

and all of the pain.

Promise me that we'll meat each other again.

Promise me this....

That we'll always wake up.

No matter how hard it gets.

Through all of the sadness

and all of the pain.

We'll always wake up someday.

If I never woke up...

I wouldn't have meet you,

and my life wouldn't have been the same.

2009

Brought some heartaches,
Some bad days,
Some old thoughts back into the light of day,
Some thoughts I never wanted to think about ever again,
Yet somehow I knew I would never truely forget them.
I've felt loved and hated,
I've felt wanted and abandoned.
But the days got better,
Closer to the end I found someone to call a true friend,
And I know they'll stand by me.
Thanks for being here.

Love On Your Arms

Write love on your arms,

For it could be someone's last wish.

To be loved.

Their dieing wish is only to be loved

Why won't someone love them?

Love them for them?

Write love on your arms to show,

That in the end,

We're always here.

Will everyone write love on their arms?

I have it written forever.

Now tell me will you?

Will you always care for each other?

To love and to be loved,

Is something we all crave.

Now show some love to those who feel,

There is no hope for them.

Let them see that there is hope.

And write love on your arms.

It's Not The End

HurtTonight,
it was one of those nights.
When I'd rather not be alone,
because I feared where my mind would take me.
It was one of those nights,
when I felt all alone.
Tonight there are words written on my body,
which tell the story,
of how I really feel about,
everything.
"End it all, it's time to fall"
and, "No point to this world anymore"
were some of the words written on me.
I've done this before,
when the world was against me.
Everything I thought of myself,
became the words I could see.
The words read aloud,
made me see.
I'm worth more then I thought of me.

Black Winged Angel (Poem)

Black winged angel,
That's what she is,
Everyone's saving grace,
But doesn't know who she really is.
Puts on a face,
Pretends to be someone she's not,
Just to feel like she fits in.
Not what others see,
But who she really wants to be.
Thats the angel I'm looking for.
Hides the sad,
By putting on a mask.
Wish someone would save the black winged angel.
Cus she's falling fast.
No one left to love her,
And when it all ends,
Will we see the black wings?
Flying high,
Or falling to the ground?
She's falling fast,
Needs someone to see behind the mask.
And with this I do pray,
That someone saves her...
Someday.

Burnt Bridges

I've burnt too many bridges too many times.
And hopefully I can build this one once again.
But I know that I've caused some pain.
And I truely do not want to do that agian.
And somehow in our minds,
It was easier to walk away.
Then to try repair these left overs.
But to me,
It felt the right thing to do,
To try to rebuild.
But sometimes,
Both sides of the bridge don't agree.
And that's what I think happend.
Have to put your pride aside,
Or else you're not going to get anywhere in life.
Sometimes,
Though you just have to let the ashes settle,
Before the reconstruction can begin.
And maybe that was just the case this time.
Sometimes we win,
And others we lose.
But in the end everything works out for the best.
We may not like the outcome at the time,
But in the end,
It becomes the best outcome.

Don't give up now

All the things we've been through,
And we've made it through.
Why give up now?
When we know things can't get any worst,
They've got to get better, somehow.
And I know that you don't believe me when I say,
That we'll look back and laugh at this someday.
So what ever you do,
Don't give into the pain.
Things will all be better,
Someday.
I'm not saying today,
Or even tomorrow.
Just someday,
All this pain,
Will just go away.

Smile

For the first time in so long,
I saw my own smile.
Felt like I belong,
heard my own laugh,
and couldn't help but think.
Why do I feel this way?
All I can say,
is that I want this smile to stay.
And to never go away,
not ever again,
This is where I fit in.

It's not the fear...

They say:

When you fall off a horse to right back up into the sadle.

Well it's not the fear of falling that scares me,

I know I'm going to fall, again someday.

It's not the guts it takes to get back up on a horse either.

It's the fear of being thrown off a horse from the same stable,

as the last one that threw me,

that scares me.

So here is to getting right back up,

after these flesh wounds have healed,

from the last fall to the ground.

Time heals all wounds,

never forget that.

I am not

If the poem I had written before this one confused you,
I am sorry.
It was a point to say that I use to feel,
and that no one has the right to make me feel that bad,
about myself,
but somehow people have.
I am not what people expect,
I am not what the media sees.
I am who I am
No one changes that,
not people I trust,
not people I do not know.
And not even the few I let know what I think.
I am not anything listed in the poem below.

Mask (who we pretend to be)

If you could have seen through the mask,
you would have seen who I am.
Under this smile,
is something no one sees.
It's the other side of me.

Can you be the one?
Can you take away the mask,
and hide it in the past?
And what will become,
of me when this mask goes away?
Will I still be the one in pain?
Because to you I fear,
this is only a game.

My heart is the prize,
and no one can see.
That I need someone to see,
through what I pretend to be.
To who I really am,
Can it be?
That you saw through both sides of me?

Other side of me,
can it be?
Could you really see,
through who I pretended to be?

Who you pretended to be,
isn't who you are today.
It seems we played each other.
We thought we'd never see.
The other side,
of who each other thought we were.
To who we really are.

Take off the masks,
hide them in the past.
Know that it's who we are that counts.
Not who we let on to be.
Now can you see?

Untitled

When you know it's now or never

And you still chose to walk

Just so your heart can stay

When my mind thinks, my heart breaks.

When your mouth speaks, my heart takes.
Walking away and looking back
until you call my name and ask me to stay.
When this all ends,
You will see.
That I believe that through it all,
We'll still stand tall.
Even with broken hearts, we'll have open arms.
To let oursleves be,
Once again.
When you're lost I hope you find yourself.

And when you're found,

Don't forget me.
I'll ask you please,
Don't walk away from what you loved.
When we all think,
We're a step above,
Being loved.

Goodbye My Friend For Now

If you no longer care then neither do I.
Goodbye my friend,
one day I hope you wake up
and realise that you should never
push away those who care for you.
Know that you can always get a hold of me,
but i'm tired of chasing around your friendship.
Like it's some sort of game.
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on,
someone to lean on,
or just someone to talk too.
Know that i'm still here,
and that I still care.
I've just pulled out my heart for awhile,
So things won't hurt anymore

Music

Music is life to some,
To most it's less then that
For those who don't understand
Then maybe you should try at least
Some people do drugs,
Others use knifes,
For me it's music that keeps me feeling
Like I am,
Alive

Friends

True friends never leave your side,
they are always on your mind.
True friends know you,
inside and out
and even upside down.
Even when you yell or cry,
you know you will always have them by your side.
No matter what or who gets in your way,
you'll always have a shoulder to cry on.
That's a true friend.
Doesn't matter how mad you get at each other,
you'll always work it out.

Light at the end

I've been told there's always,

A light at the end of the tunnel.

But right now I can hardly see,

Three feet in front of me.

I've been blind sighted,

By these lies,

That can't be disguised.

If there is a light at the end,

I can't see it yet.

And it still feels like pretend,

Is there going to be a light at the end?

Rear View

If we stopped looking in the rear view,
And started looking through the front window.
Maybe then we'd see what lies ahead,
And not the past, gone and dead.
Look ahead and not behind.
You may just learn somethings in time.
With all this behind us,
Who knows what could lie ahead for us.

Paper cut

The story you are about to read is true, the names have been changed to protect the persons involved.


One day after school, I was staying behind to help out with our school's Christmas musical. Well all was going fine until things started going wrong. I thought I heard my name being yelled, I was in the theatre and the yelling seemed to be coming from the direction of the ladies washroom. So I look up the aisle of the theatre to see Bethany yelling my name and saying. " You have to come to the girls washroom NOW Katy needs you." Well I took those stairs two at a time that day. We had gotten outside the theatre doors and almost into the washroom when Bethany started to explain what had happened and why she came to get me.


Well it turned out Katy was cutting her wrist with a pencil sharpeners’ blade in the back of the theatre, as it turned out she cut a little too deep. So Katy had told Bethany there was a problem and got up walked out of the theatre and headed towards the bathroom. Well on the way there Katy ran into an old friend who was at our school for a vollyball game, gave her a hug then basicly told her she had to go and walked into the bathroom. Bethany had told Katy to put water on it to stop/slow down the bleeding. Well Katy was like no that will sting; I can only imagin the look on Bethany's face when Katy said that. But she put it underwater anyway and placed toilet paper over it as well. By this time the bleeding was still quite strong and Katy's first reaction was what do I do?! According to Katy, Bethany was scared just about out of her mind and had no clue what to do. Then an idea came to Katy "OMG OMG Call Black Rose, Get Black Rose, she'll know what do to".


That's where I came in, to see one of my friends with blood dripping from her wrist with it under a running tap and another one of my friends as white as a ghost. Needless to say I was a bit confused and trying to figure out what had happened, then I yelled at Katy for being so stupid. We came up with a brilliant plan though, find some band aids. I usually carried around band aids in my book bag, so I went back into the theatre to get my book bag and look for some band aids. Well wouldn't you know it the one day I didn't have any with me was the one day I could have used some, but I didn't walk back into the bathroom empty handed I came back with a pad. The looks on thier faces was like "and what are we going to do with that?!" All I had to say was that it was absorbent. We all laughed, which was well needed considering one of us was still bleeding and about to freak out. Then it happened Katy flipped, she was like "I'm going to die OMG I'm going to die. What am I going to do I'm going to die?!"


Well then one of us remember that the school's office was still open and we sent Bethany to get some bandaids. Meanwhile I stayed and made sure Katy was clam so her heart rate wouldn't speed up the bleeding. Bethany came back with two band aids. While we where putting the bandaids on Katy's wrist the vice-princpal walked by and gave us a funny look, then she asked the most simple question "Is everything alright in there girls?" Well what would you say to that?!? Katy and Bethany answered "Yeah it's just a little paper cut" Well the VP gave us an odd look and looked me straight in the eyes. All I said was "Yeah all this mess over a tiny little paper cut." Then we started to laugh at ourselves and the VP walked by us and didn't give us a second glance. We walked back into the theatre without any one else knowing of our little accident.


To this very day "paper cut" and "OMG CALL BLACK ROSE, She'll know what to do" are still jokes among the three of us who where there that day. A scary day at the time, but looking back at it years later it all seems so funny and so stupid. Katy if you are reading this NEVER EVER do that again, you scared the crap out of me that day. To anyone else who has ever cut themselves (not by accident), please (for my sake) don't do it again. It scares everyone involved and you may not have a person who knows what to do to get it to stop around.

What If?

We as human always seem to be playing a "what if?" game
you can't turn back time,
you can't push pause,
there are no "redos"
Well what if I hadn't done that?
Or what if I hadn't of said that?
Well we will never know
Life is make you make of it
No matter how bad you want to take back something
You really can't back track time
You take the situation and go from there
And though you may say "What if??"
Maybe it was not meant to be
Everything happens for a reason, we may not like the outcome
But it's what we've got
Take it or leave it
And yes we all wish we could 'rewind'
We all wish we would have said or done something diffrently then what we did
But life is unfair,
Unpridicable
And untame
But hey that's life
Answer these if you'd like
What if: I hadn't said that?
What if: we all were the same?
What if: there was no tomorrow?
What if: we never told the ones we loved we loved them?
What if: I was 10 again?
The list is endless
So stop playing "what if?" and live for today
You can only hurt for so long...