TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

I know what you're thinking, I spelt the title wrong... but I did not.
I'm currently about half way through a book by the above title. The story line is as follows.

Hannah is dead, she comitted suicide two weeks prior. Hannah had thirteen reasons and thirteen people she blamed for her death. Hannah made seven tapes, each doubled sided execpt for the last. Each of the thirteen people she blamed gets their own tape, deticated to them, telling them why she blames them. Each of these thirteen people recieves all thirteen tapes in order to which part of her "snowball" effect life they entered and "ruined". Each of said thirteen people also recived a map prior to Hannah's death, indicating certain locations of which she mentions.

The rules to the tapes are as follows: "The rules are pretty simple. There are only two. Rule number one: You listen. Rule number two: You pass it on. Hopefully, neither one will be easy for you. When you're all done listening to all thirteen sides-beacause there are thirteen sides to every story-rewind the tapes, put them back in the box, and pass them on to whoever follows your little tale. "

The first of these thirteen, caused a romour that snowballed into something much much bigger. Beyond anyones control. The story is written from the point of view of one of the last of the thirteen to hear the tapes. Mr. Clay Jensen, I have yet to find out his role in the story as I am only on the sixth tape of Hannah's. But so far every point Hannah has made in her "last words" is so very true. Ever been invoulved in a rumour that got so big it was impossible to stop? Well thats Hannah's problem... or at least one of Hannah's problems.

Until next time... when I give you the book update. Never forget: "You can't stop the future, you can't rewind the past, the only way to learn the secret... is to press play."

Quotes taken from: TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY by: Jay Asher

Rules To Life

1. Don't take things too personally.
2. Leave hurt at the door.
3. Never forget you need friends to make it through this life.
4. You don't always need to "fix" things, somethings take time to "heal".
5. You can't sit around forever waiting on everyone else, but don't give up to quickly on others.
6. Don't give up on people, no matter how badly you want to.
7. Crying isn't a sign of weakness.
8. You only have one life (on Earth), enjoy it.
9. Don't spend all your time worrying or stressing about the "little things".
10. Life isn't a piece of cake.
11. "Curve balls" and "fastballs" come when you least expect them, or when they are least wanted, try to get use to them the best you can.
12. Don't listen to what others think of you.
13. To mean the world to one person for who you truely are, is worth more then meaning something to 100 people for who you pretend to be.

Just One Of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when everything just doesn't go as "planed"?
Seems lately I've been having more of those days then not,
First I want to apologise to those who follow this and who have been wondering why I haven't written anything in awhile.
Lets just say... laptops and softdrinks do NOT mix well.
But not all has been lost due to that misfortune... I've had more time to catch up on my reading.
I recently started a somewhat series by Ellen Hopkins,
So far I've read "Crank" and "Burned".
And I am curently about half way done "Glass".
They are well written and make you want to read all night long... (which I have done...).

"Crank" is about a teenage girl who falls into the habbit of using Crystal meth, which she was introduced to by her father and a summer fling. She once was the "perfect" daughter who's live got turned upsidedown by a few weeks spent with her father. She becomes to have a double sided personality, one her "fun side" being "Bree" the side who uses her looks and charm to get what ever she wants and loves to party. And her side which is who she use to be "Kristina", the family loving girl who makes good grades. Kristina learns about love, hate, drugs and most of all that no matter what she does she'll never escape the "monster" crank.

"Glass" is the sequel to "Crank" (i won't ruin the story line of the last book) I sugest reading "Crank" before you start to read "Glass" helps you understand the situations much more clearly. But baiscly Kristina hasn't been able to escape "Bree" or the crank... and the situation isn't getting much better. She's upgraded from simple street meth to a higher grade mexcian blend, from snorting it to smoking it. Kicked out of the house by her mother, she's has no other choice then to live with a friends cousin and his two little girls.

"Burned" is about a a young girl a teenager, who even though she's been raised in a highly religious family, still has questions about God. Her father is abusive and an alcoholic, her mother does nothing but take care of her seven daughters, and being the oldest Pattyn has to help. Until one day she falls in "love" takes a few wrong turns and ends up kicked out of her school. Her father sends her away to her aunts. Mean while her mother is pregant once again but this time with a son, soon too be his fathers only pride and joy. While in Nevada Pattyn finds out what love truely is and digs up a few more familly secrets.

All of these novels are a giant free verse poem, and even though they average 600 pages, they aren't truely that long. If you ever want to read a good book that will change your outlook on life I sugest you read some of Ellen Hopkins novels. So far I know of five compleated novels by her and two soon to be released novels. But I just found these books about a month ago, so there could very well be more.

Walking On The Sands Of Time

Took a walk today,

Not too far away.

Took a walk on the fires of the past,

And saw flames looking back into my eyes.

Took a walk through all the ones I've walked on those sands with,

Remembered all the hurt,

And all the smiles that I had with them all.

But today I didn't walk alone,

Today I walked hand in hand with someone.

Who truely cares for me.

2009

Brought some heartaches,
Some bad days,
Some old thoughts back into the light of day,
Some thoughts I never wanted to think about ever again,
Yet somehow I knew I would never truely forget them.
I've felt loved and hated,
I've felt wanted and abandoned.
But the days got better,
Closer to the end I found someone to call a true friend,
And I know they'll stand by me.
Thanks for being here.

A Year Has Passed

In the past year,

I've learned much about myself,

And yet little at the same time.

I've learned I prefer my friends close,

The ones I love closer,

And the ones who lives I've hurt close as well.

I've learned that we learn from past mistakes,

That life throws you a curveball when you think it's going to pitch a fastball,

To live like it's your last day because you never know when it will be,

That love heals almost every wound,

And that when it looks like all hope is lost there is always a light somewhere to guide you.

What I have yet to learn:

Is how to keep my heart and mind out of past mistakes,

Not to take everything so seriously,

How to walk away from something and just let it be.

Maybe I'll never quite learn those arts...

And maybe someday I'll look back and say,

"I did it, I didn't think I could, took some time but I did it."

Why Do We Flee?

Why do we flee?
For why do we run,
From things that must be?
Why must this take over?
Why must this confusion be?
Heart torn,
And people scorned.
Now who's the fool amongst us all?
Who must stand tall?
Am I the one to fall?
Unknowning where our hearts lie.
Why must we tell these lies?
For why do I still care for the one who cut,
Cut my heart in two...
For why do I still turn to him,
When all else fails?
For why do I turn to you?
What forces be,
That so have us become,
Something which we do not see?
Something yet to hath be done.
What is this 'love',
That we so offten speak of?
Is it blind?
Can it hear?
For what does it fear?

It's Been Awhile

It's been sometime since I've been able to smile,

without faking it.

It's been sometime since I've heard those words,

and believed them.

It's been awhile since I've cried,

without being sad.

It's been awhile since I've been held,

and not turned away.

It's been too long since any of this has occured,

until today.

Love On Your Arms

Write love on your arms,

For it could be someone's last wish.

To be loved.

Their dieing wish is only to be loved

Why won't someone love them?

Love them for them?

Write love on your arms to show,

That in the end,

We're always here.

Will everyone write love on their arms?

I have it written forever.

Now tell me will you?

Will you always care for each other?

To love and to be loved,

Is something we all crave.

Now show some love to those who feel,

There is no hope for them.

Let them see that there is hope.

And write love on your arms.

According To You By: Orianthi

This is a song I find so true, sometimes you just have to look for someone who loves you for you,(I do not own these lyrics).

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.
According to you
I'm difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I'm a mess in a dress,
can't show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incerdible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

According to you
I'm boring,
I'm moody,
you can't take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;
you're the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I'm not hated. oh-- no--.
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide.

According to me
you're stupid,
you're useless,
you can't do anything right.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I'm stupid,
I'm useless,
I can't do anything right.

Black Winged Angel (Poem)

Black winged angel,
That's what she is,
Everyone's saving grace,
But doesn't know who she really is.
Puts on a face,
Pretends to be someone she's not,
Just to feel like she fits in.
Not what others see,
But who she really wants to be.
Thats the angel I'm looking for.
Hides the sad,
By putting on a mask.
Wish someone would save the black winged angel.
Cus she's falling fast.
No one left to love her,
And when it all ends,
Will we see the black wings?
Flying high,
Or falling to the ground?
She's falling fast,
Needs someone to see behind the mask.
And with this I do pray,
That someone saves her...
Someday.

Sun Or Stars?

Which do I love more?
The Sun or the stars?
Which lights my way,
Through these long lost days?
With who does my heart lie?
Use to be guided by the Sun's light,
But now standing among the darkness,
The Sun has gone away.
And now I look upon the stars,
To know where I stand.
The question is which do I love more?
Do I turn to the stars,
Because I lack the Sun's light?
Or do I turn to them,
Because I love them more?
How shall I know?
Do I turn away from all light?
Or do I try to find a new light?
Which doesn't stand,
Between who I was,
And who I am?

Burnt Bridges

I've burnt too many bridges too many times.
And hopefully I can build this one once again.
But I know that I've caused some pain.
And I truely do not want to do that agian.
And somehow in our minds,
It was easier to walk away.
Then to try repair these left overs.
But to me,
It felt the right thing to do,
To try to rebuild.
But sometimes,
Both sides of the bridge don't agree.
And that's what I think happend.
Have to put your pride aside,
Or else you're not going to get anywhere in life.
Sometimes,
Though you just have to let the ashes settle,
Before the reconstruction can begin.
And maybe that was just the case this time.
Sometimes we win,
And others we lose.
But in the end everything works out for the best.
We may not like the outcome at the time,
But in the end,
It becomes the best outcome.

Don't give up now

All the things we've been through,
And we've made it through.
Why give up now?
When we know things can't get any worst,
They've got to get better, somehow.
And I know that you don't believe me when I say,
That we'll look back and laugh at this someday.
So what ever you do,
Don't give into the pain.
Things will all be better,
Someday.
I'm not saying today,
Or even tomorrow.
Just someday,
All this pain,
Will just go away.

Smile

For the first time in so long,
I saw my own smile.
Felt like I belong,
heard my own laugh,
and couldn't help but think.
Why do I feel this way?
All I can say,
is that I want this smile to stay.
And to never go away,
not ever again,
This is where I fit in.

It's not the fear...

They say:

When you fall off a horse to right back up into the sadle.

Well it's not the fear of falling that scares me,

I know I'm going to fall, again someday.

It's not the guts it takes to get back up on a horse either.

It's the fear of being thrown off a horse from the same stable,

as the last one that threw me,

that scares me.

So here is to getting right back up,

after these flesh wounds have healed,

from the last fall to the ground.

Time heals all wounds,

never forget that.

Not the one for you

He didn't mean to hurt you.
But darling he isn't the one for you,
and no matter what you do,
know that he's crying too.
Because you where the best he had.
And now he'll realise it's too sad.
That he left you the way he did,
and for everything he said,
know that he'll never be the same.
And one day he'll wake up in pain,
for he'll remember everything the two of you,
use to mean to both of you.
And that day he wakes up to her.
He can only think of you,
he'll lose his speech, slur
and call her you.
And then she'll know it's all over for her too.

I send to you

With all my heart I send to you,
the memories of me and you.
Wish I could still look at you,
and call you a friend.
But as they say all good things must come to an end.
Maybe when these wounds have healed,
we can look upon each others face,
and say what a stupid mistake.
Use to be so close,
now it's just a distant ghost.
For all the things I said,
never did I think,
it would end the way it did.
No words of condolenses can say how I feel,
and this may never heal.
But I just wanted to say,
with all these words,
left unsaid.
I'll still be here,
to call upon,
no matter when.
One month from now,
or even a year,
I'll be here.

Mask (who we pretend to be)

If you could have seen through the mask,
you would have seen who I am.
Under this smile,
is something no one sees.
It's the other side of me.

Can you be the one?
Can you take away the mask,
and hide it in the past?
And what will become,
of me when this mask goes away?
Will I still be the one in pain?
Because to you I fear,
this is only a game.

My heart is the prize,
and no one can see.
That I need someone to see,
through what I pretend to be.
To who I really am,
Can it be?
That you saw through both sides of me?

Other side of me,
can it be?
Could you really see,
through who I pretended to be?

Who you pretended to be,
isn't who you are today.
It seems we played each other.
We thought we'd never see.
The other side,
of who each other thought we were.
To who we really are.

Take off the masks,
hide them in the past.
Know that it's who we are that counts.
Not who we let on to be.
Now can you see?

Untitled

When you know it's now or never

And you still chose to walk

Just so your heart can stay

When my mind thinks, my heart breaks.

When your mouth speaks, my heart takes.
Walking away and looking back
until you call my name and ask me to stay.
When this all ends,
You will see.
That I believe that through it all,
We'll still stand tall.
Even with broken hearts, we'll have open arms.
To let oursleves be,
Once again.
When you're lost I hope you find yourself.

And when you're found,

Don't forget me.
I'll ask you please,
Don't walk away from what you loved.
When we all think,
We're a step above,
Being loved.