In serious need of some thinking time...

I got thinking the other day, I graduate in less then 2 years. I've got 2 years left in this comunity that I know, within people I know, some who I respect and others who I dont. Then after that last day 2 years from now, it's time to move on again. To move onto bigger and better things. I don't want to live in the comunity where I grew up for the rest of my life, but at the same time I'm worried to leave it all behind me. I'm worried I'll lose contact with all my old friends... at least now there is Facebook so I can still "keep in touch", but I know that won't be sufficent enough to keep my friendships together. Thus far I'm the only one going to this certain univeristy out of all of my friends... which isn't an all bad thing, I can focus more on school that way. But once again at the same time I'm worried of not fitting in, which I must admit I don't do very well at in the first place. But oh well, it will be a new adventure, which I am but am not looking forward too.

Down falls or up rises?

Down falls,
up rises,
with the ups and downs of this world.
How are we to know which way to turn?

Good News

Once again sorry about the lack of blog posts lately.
Inbetween no laptop, exams and my social life I haven't had time.
The good news I mentioned in the title is that my laptop will be fix by the end of July! I'm so excited! Finally I can keep this updated, I didn't realise how much I get "off my chest" useing this until I couldn't use it anymore... man that was not fun!

I don't think I've ever had so many fights with my close friends as I've had this year. Which is sad to say but it's true, we've all "grown apart" from each other. Some of us are more focused on the futur and some of are more focused on getting high. But it's their life not mine so I can't complain. I mean yeah a party or two in the summer that's fine, but when you're getting high everyday, and when people are so use to seeing you high that you can never tell if they're high or not. Throwing away all that intelligence you once had, then stand there and wonder why you aren't doing as well in school as you where. Now tell me does that make any sense? Oh well like I said, their life their choices. I hate to say this, but one of my "closer" friends is moving away to another school next year, and personaly I don't think I'll miss them one bit. I'd rather not have that style of living in my face everyday of my last 2 years of school. Would you?

Just One Of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when everything just doesn't go as "planed"?
Seems lately I've been having more of those days then not,
First I want to apologise to those who follow this and who have been wondering why I haven't written anything in awhile.
Lets just say... laptops and softdrinks do NOT mix well.
But not all has been lost due to that misfortune... I've had more time to catch up on my reading.
I recently started a somewhat series by Ellen Hopkins,
So far I've read "Crank" and "Burned".
And I am curently about half way done "Glass".
They are well written and make you want to read all night long... (which I have done...).

"Crank" is about a teenage girl who falls into the habbit of using Crystal meth, which she was introduced to by her father and a summer fling. She once was the "perfect" daughter who's live got turned upsidedown by a few weeks spent with her father. She becomes to have a double sided personality, one her "fun side" being "Bree" the side who uses her looks and charm to get what ever she wants and loves to party. And her side which is who she use to be "Kristina", the family loving girl who makes good grades. Kristina learns about love, hate, drugs and most of all that no matter what she does she'll never escape the "monster" crank.

"Glass" is the sequel to "Crank" (i won't ruin the story line of the last book) I sugest reading "Crank" before you start to read "Glass" helps you understand the situations much more clearly. But baiscly Kristina hasn't been able to escape "Bree" or the crank... and the situation isn't getting much better. She's upgraded from simple street meth to a higher grade mexcian blend, from snorting it to smoking it. Kicked out of the house by her mother, she's has no other choice then to live with a friends cousin and his two little girls.

"Burned" is about a a young girl a teenager, who even though she's been raised in a highly religious family, still has questions about God. Her father is abusive and an alcoholic, her mother does nothing but take care of her seven daughters, and being the oldest Pattyn has to help. Until one day she falls in "love" takes a few wrong turns and ends up kicked out of her school. Her father sends her away to her aunts. Mean while her mother is pregant once again but this time with a son, soon too be his fathers only pride and joy. While in Nevada Pattyn finds out what love truely is and digs up a few more familly secrets.

All of these novels are a giant free verse poem, and even though they average 600 pages, they aren't truely that long. If you ever want to read a good book that will change your outlook on life I sugest you read some of Ellen Hopkins novels. So far I know of five compleated novels by her and two soon to be released novels. But I just found these books about a month ago, so there could very well be more.

Time

It seems as though it's been forever since I've spoken to you as a friend,
And maybe it has been.
It seems as though people change on a daily basis,
And maybe they do.
It seems the older I get,
And I'm not all too old,
Time seems to speed by,
More and more as each day grows.
It seems we have no time for anyone,
But yet we aren't really all that busy.
It seems we are bored,
Yet we are stressed all at the same time.
It's the little things in life that matter most,
And sometimes we have to slow our lives down to let each other in.
For if not,
We could lose everything we love and cherish.
Make time for people,
Let them see that no matter how busy, bored, old, young, tired, stressed, upset you are or how much they've changed.
You can always make some time for them.

I Had A Dream

I had a dream

no it was more like a nightmare

I fell asleep and you never woke up,

I let you down,

I let you drown,

in your tears,

I let you cry.

I never saw that what I hadn't said

had hurt you so deep

and you'll never know how much you meant to me.

You'll never see how much I cared.

You'll never see how much I cried,

when I found you just laying there.

We'll never find out how your life turned out.

We'll never see how far you got.

And I'll never forget those times we shared.

And if I ever wake up,

I'll never forget how much you meant to us.

If I ever wake up I'll let you know,

believe me somehow love will unbind these chains.

Believe me somehow I'll meet you again.

Maybe in another dream,

I'll wake up and we'll all be just fine.

If I never wake up....

I want you to see,

that I'll never forget the laughs we shared.

If I never wake up,

forget all the bad times and remember the good.

If I never wake up from this dream I'm dreaming.

Tell me that you'll always care.

If we never wake up,

Never forget that we were,

Loved in the world.

If we never wake up...

don't cry for us,

for we'll never forget.

And through all of the sadness

and all of the pain.

Promise me that we'll meat each other again.

Promise me this....

That we'll always wake up.

No matter how hard it gets.

Through all of the sadness

and all of the pain.

We'll always wake up someday.

If I never woke up...

I wouldn't have meet you,

and my life wouldn't have been the same.

Walking On The Sands Of Time

Took a walk today,

Not too far away.

Took a walk on the fires of the past,

And saw flames looking back into my eyes.

Took a walk through all the ones I've walked on those sands with,

Remembered all the hurt,

And all the smiles that I had with them all.

But today I didn't walk alone,

Today I walked hand in hand with someone.

Who truely cares for me.